Not just the facts, m’am

My son has autism so sometimes he feels like someone has broken a rule. That also leads him to look to report the rule breaker. The other night, he called the police.  The police came and were very kind to him and me, which I appreciate. I’m glad they now know him and will treat him with respect each time (sometimes terrible misunderstandings have occurred with people with autism and the police).

The police called a social worker or someone to help them figure out what was going on.  The officer was having a private conversation with them and didn’t tell them that he had invited me to talk directly.  The social worker said that the mother is “non chalant.”  I’m reeling over that. First off, I just presented the facts on how my son was feeling and why he called. Second, I had just woken up since it was midnight and I had been asleep. Third, I was offended. Of course I care. Was I supposed to wail and cry and make my son feel worse?

I’m beginning to think that facts don’t work. In cohousing, I presented the facts. The other person wailed and cried and got everyone on her “side”. I believe that if you choose sides in something like cohousing, you all lose.  But I just don’t understand why the facts don’t matter?

Maybe it has to do with the fact we are moved more by emotions (or manipulated in my cohousing experience with that person).  Or is it stereotypes? Women are supposed to cry?  I did but not in front of everyone in the group – I thought we were problem solving. Plus, I didn’t want to cry to persuade whereas I noticed her tears would come and go at key moments (not that she didn’t have real emotions too, but how she swayed the group mind boggles me to this day).

When I did cry in front of  a few people since I was falling apart with the whole group treating me like a pariah, that ended up being used against me. One person told the facilitator and the group how I cried in front of them. Why bring it up? I was trying to find sympathy, empathy, a human in  a group that was putting all the pressures onto me?

I won’t dwell on it too much.  So the social worker thinks I wasn’t emotional enough but the truth was I heard what was going on, I know my son, and I helped make a decision that made him feel safe.  I thought I’d just share my experience. I had no idea I was such a cold bitch (wait, that’s another stereotype!)

Dragnet’s famous line

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
This entry was posted in autism and (dis)abilities, group think and cults, psychopathy, narcissicism, and personality disorders in cohousing, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Not just the facts, m’am

  1. I am a retired independent provider and one of my clients had autism. My other clients were developmentally challenged as well. People that have never raised a child with a disability should not judge any parent with one. I used to stay overnight with my clients so the parents could get out of town and get a break. You were entitled to every tear and until they walked a mile in your shoes, shame on them.

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