I was listening to court TV as I fell asleep the other night. One of the psychologists was talking.  She was describing how Amber Heard had PTSD.  She said that when incidents keep popping up in your head when you don’t want them to – that’s a sign of PTSD.  She also said that Amber acted out because of her PTSD.

That’s me. I acted out of pain and hurt, after my cohousing community decided to shun and punish me for trying to help in an awful situation.  Having a group decide you suck made me have PTSD.  This blog has helped. Being at the beach has helped. Time is helping. And soon, I will be 100% free of my house and have no connection to that place anymore and I think that will help too.

It’s my fault – I expected a community that would respect everyone. That would care for everyone. I shouldn’t have put my trust in a group. I shouldn’t have believed all the PR. I saw this week an article about a forming cohousing and they said it would be a place for “caring”.  Yep, heard that before.  See how that pans out, or not.

My cohousing made sure that they put an ankle bracelet on me of shame and punishment. How dare I try to stop something? How dare I make a decision on my own? How dare I make what they consider a huge mistake? And even after having a “professional” Intentional Community experienced mediator (snake oil anyone?), I didn’t see they would ever forgive me. And those that did or never thought it was that huge an infraction, never spoke up publicly. I left. Best decision I ever made.

My cohousing community still won’t discuss it and the effects of scapegoating have on future members and atmosphere. They like to keep black holes.