It’s confirmed. I have cooties. I went to a meeting where another former neighbor happened to be there and poof, they left the zoom. It could be a bad connection but I”m sure it was me. I stink. I suck. I’m scary. I have cooties.
I tossed and turned all night wondering if I should continue with that meeting that I was interested in. Was I stepping on toes? Do I belong? No, I don’t belong but my old community doesn’t own all the cohousing and intentional communities platforms which I still find interesting (like what went wrong) and have met new friends and even have been invited to live in other communities.
Plus, the neighbor chose to leave. They seem to suffer from the same symptom as before – run away from problems or push someone else away. Another common phrase at my old place was wishing and hoping someone would leave and now a quarter are leaving.
Even though it was interesting last night, I think I am done. I didn’t like thinking of my old neighbors, again. I liked the insight of what went wrong and how it is becoming more and more clear they were the wrong group for me but other places may be better (not that I”m interested), but marinating in cohousing again just felt wrong. It’s felt better the last few months that it was out of sight and mind.
Plus, I didn’t sleep well and lost work. So, like an addict, I just have to not take that first drink. There will always be new books and zooms and information – I can’t even open a page.
I’ve decided to walk away and take a walk on the beach instead.
P.S. It also means I’m probably going to write and dump out a bunch of posts to continue to clean off the pox marks from all the cooties.