Hard Candy Christmas

On the show Friends, Monica makes candy to get to know the  neighbors.  I don’t understand why we don’t try more to get to know our neighbors in general.  They didn’t know her name and called her Candy Lady but they didn’t know other neighbors’ names and called one “Smokes a Lot Lady.”

The episode also shows a mob mentality. Even sweet Joey writes a mean letter to try to get candy!  I don’t know what makes us humans be our worse when we can be in a group.  It’s funny in comedies but not in real life.  I hope your holiday is sweet no matter what the neighbors say or do.

Just the mob scene above

All candy scenes below:

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
This entry was posted in bad behavior and bullies of any age, group think and cults, Holidays. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Hard Candy Christmas

  1. Flower says:

    “Even sweet Joey writes a mean letter to try to get candy! I don’t know what makes us humans be our worse when we can be in a group. It’s funny in comedies but not in real life.”

    So true. Funny scene, but in real life not at all.

    I used to come up with names for people even when I knew their real name. It was a way to reference people by a characteristic or their behavior in conversation. For instance I referred to a woman as Mary Jane because she said she loved the smell of pot and it was also in the context of how she said it. I didn’t say it to her face though. I would have called her by her name to her face.

    On a more serious note…..some people may be experiencing a lot of loss and stress in their lives which can be exacerbated around this time of year. Likewise, if they have sporadic contact with people, including neighbors they may not recall their names. Also a lot of people may be selective and discerning about who they share their challenges and difficulties with–so many people lack appropriate empathy. I don’t tend to share with neighbors. There are valid and very good reasons not too. More ruthless people will often times use information and your vulnerabilities against you. Sad, but true.

    I’ve made a lot of kind gestures towards people, however Christmas can be hit and miss for me. I used to bake more and then give goodies to neighbors, but I haven’t been doing that much these days and no one bothers either. Aside from that I don’t know if they would throw it away and COVID was a game changer. I don’t know if they would appreciate it or not and some people are very picky about food or eating sweets, etc. There’s also been a huge turnover of people–not enough time to get to know people and there has to be a two-way street. Some times people turn into the neighbors from hell too. So there’s many reasons why people often don’t get to know their neighbors.

  2. CJ says:

    That’s a good idea – to remember some people are really hurting during the holidays. Today is the 5th anniversary of my father’s death and I don’t know how we got through that holiday season but we did. Maybe it made it even more important to follow traditions.
    I like your idea of making names for people. Have you ever seen Curb Your Enthusiasm? There was an episode with Rosie O’Donnell where she catches his nicknames for people that he put on his cellphone and she runs after him. Super funny.

    • Flower says:

      I think whatever works to get people through it and for some that may be following traditions and for others that may not be a focus that works. In some ways I’m traditional and in other ways I am not, although most people who don’t really know me would probably assume that I’m very traditional, but that is all about them.

      No, I’ve never seen Curb Your Enthusiasm, but I looked it up and I watched different scenes that were funny, although I don’t know if that episode is posted.

    • Flower says:

      My father died a few days after Christmas too, but it’s been some time now. I lived in another state. It’s difficult when parents and family members get sick and die. He had a massive heart attack. This year I was recuperating from getting sick prior to Thanksgiving and I was suffering from fatigue from that. It’s been difficult financially too, so I couldn’t manage anything more than a nice meal and that didn’t go as planned either, but I was fine with how it all turned out.

      I give people nicknames all of the time, although I will always call people by their given name to their face. I don’t know why. It’s just descriptive when referencing someone who you may have little contact with and it’s probably preferable to what’s-his-name, or what’s-her-name too if you don’t recall their name. My memory for names isn’t the best, but I always recall behaviors. It could be due to stress too.

  3. CJ says:

    No matter how you celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful holiday!

    • Flower says:

      Thanks CJ. I hope you have a wonderful holiday too. Where you wrote about blessings of honey and apples for the new year sounds like a lovely tradition. If I was your neighbor I would have liked that.

  4. CJ says:

    I’m finding that there are ways to form community without moving next to strangers. Online! You are welcome to sweet apples anytime to have a sweet New Year!

    • Flower says:

      Thank you CJ. My life has been filled with a lot of challenges even prior to COVID. Health issues and job loss can create a lot of financial distress on top of the other issues. It is difficult at times to stay positive, when that is not how you are feeling inside and it’s destructive when you feel like you have to pretend things are going okay when they are not. I sometimes think the focus on staying positive is unhelpful to people who are dealing with challenges that are not even remotely positive. It can make people feel even worse, because of how dismissive and minimizing it is and that is isolating. A lot of situations in life are tough. I think that is why I tend to prefer being alone when I’m going through difficulties, because I’ve learned that people are not helpful and I don’t care to pretend. I just want to sit with my feelings and feel how I feel. That is part of my process and the desire to feel whole and authentic.

      You keep being you too!

  5. CJ says:

    So heartbreaking. Was it this Christmas or a few years ago? Seems like a few years ago but this one was tough too . Sometimes it seems to rain and pour heartbreak. Sounds like you took care of yourself and that made the perfect Thanksgiving. Sometimes I kick myself for the pressure I put for holidays and the expectations. I am inspired by stories of recreating the holidays. I’m going to rethink Christmas since the winter storm ruined our family getting together – and not just from Southwest Airlines!
    The pressure to pep people up or pretend to be happy oneself is terrible. And being alone and reflective is a good thing. All this misunderstood ideas about “loneliness,” Relationships are important if they are healthy and nurturing. Knowing ourselves and our limits and what nourishes us is what counts. And the hard times make me relish the good times. I am missing my naïve younger days when I didn’t know how bad it could get since now I look over my shoulder a bit wondering when the other shoe will drop. But today I was super happy that despite the horrible path and trauma to get here to the beach, I love it and it makes me happy and healed me. I’ll take the good days when I get them. I’m wishing many upon you!

  6. Flower says:

    “I look over my shoulder a bit wondering when the other shoe will drop.” This expression is one I used frequently and one I can relate too. Unfortunately I’ve felt this way since being a child. It’s carried through into adulthood. I think I used to say that I was always waiting for the shoe to drop. It’s something you don’t forget. As to my father it’s been some time and now it’s my mother who is not doing well. There’s a term for grief when people experience overwhelming and successive trauma, especially when they don’t have time to process or grieve before another issue or problems arise. As I write this I don’t recollect the term. I seek to be alone as I’ve found very little empathy in other people and so I agree about relationships being important if they are healthy and not one-sided and draining. I’ve had trouble finding those healthier relationships.

    There are organizations that are specific to health issues. I recall calling a helpline for info because I was so desperate for information. I didn’t want another human being turning everything into all about them. I started to cry as it was the first time someone was providing necessary information without turning it into all about them and their issues or offering unsolicited help. I told the woman that I seldom, if ever, asked for help because I never got the help that I needed. I told her that I was used to everyone coming to me and wanting me to take care of them or give to them. Truthfully, I hesitated before I even bothered to call because I didn’t believe that I would get the help that I needed. Finally someone actually heard my cries for help. Despite that I was still wary of any of the volunteers given my experiences of other human beings.

    Thank you for what you wrote. I live where there are four seasons. The other day when I wrote I was watching the snowfall and the birds picking the dried berries on the bushes. There was a robin right outside my window perched on a limb of a small tree eating the snow that was lacing the branches. It was beautiful in it’s own way. Still I miss the ocean. I’ve always felt a deep sense of connection, since I grew up by the sea, so I know how healing a walk on the beach can feel. I’m glad that it’s been healing for you.

  7. CJ says:

    That is very true – not believing someone will help and being overwhelmed when it happens. Talking to a therapist after all that had gone down in cohousing it was so nice to be heard and realize I had been among a bunch of cruel people. I’m sorry to hear about your mother. I guess with parents aging there are a bunch of sickness and death within a few years – that’s how it felt for me and I see with my friends and their families. I love the description of the snow and the robin. There is beauty everywhere and I loved living in Minnesota with the snow – lots of it!

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