A realistic advertisement for a cohousing home for sale

Sometimes I think what happened to me is unique because we were a new forming community and there were some unique issues that came up.  But I have met a few people that had similar experiences, so my hope diminishes.  Cohos should strive to put in the work and effort to flourish like some of the communities out there. But, for my friend, she found the same thing I did – many were so afraid of conflict, or for whatever reason,  that they didn’t speak up to bad behavior by another member and now she is moving out  This is the ad she would love to put in the real estate magazines:

Beautiful townhome for sale, newly remodeled, cozy and sweet. In a cohousing community riddled with domination culture like the rest of our world. Currently new visioning is taking place but the same old people are using the same old tools to “revision”. So come and have an opportunity to create a new culture using the skills you’ve most certainly developed from being a human alive up until now, domination, shame, blame, emotional abuse, shoot even physical abuse is probably welcomed too… or at least you don’t have to worry about consequences since the super positive, hopeful types don’t seem to hold anyone accountable. Oh and the beautiful southern facing windows stream in beautiful light… and look right at the most aggressive neighbor in the place (he’s called “the bully” behind his back but everyone is nice to his face). Make great connections to gain power and live the dream! You too could be the top of the pile in this wonderful cohousing community. Just don’t speak up when you see abuses of power. If you’re one of those who stand up against injustice, this is probably not the place for you. Unless you like being shamed and shunned. Then this is the holy grail. Kids welcome too. Well, not by all. The bully hates them. So you would be living across from a control freak who will complain about everything child related. And no one will say anything, they all comply. Music? No, no one plays music anymore because he doesn’t like it. Basket balls? No, he takes them if they go in his yard. Tree climbing? Not since he complained and everyone halted that dangerous activity.

If all of that sounds attractive to you, come, meet us at the Common House and talk to the marketing committee.  This house is ready for new owners, is it you?

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
This entry was posted in bad behavior and bullies of any age, marketing in cohousing, moving in and out of cohousing, parenting, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to A realistic advertisement for a cohousing home for sale

  1. Flower says:

    Three streets over from my home was the site of a gruesome murder. A woman in her early 70’s was viciously attacked and beaten to death. The perpetrator was her son who had been released from a mental hospital. He tried to hide her body. I won’t go into the rest of the details. I heard the story from another neighbor as his property was behind hers. On an early Sunday morning I woke up to a strange noise. A car had smashed into my neighbor’s car so hard that it was on top of it and the driver was doing donut holes on their front yard while they were away at church. The vehicle finally crossed the street landing in my neighbor’s yard hitting the pathway step that led to her front door, crossed over into the other neighbors front yard landing on their landscape boulders and finally halted upside down in the street. I saw all of my neighbors running towards the end of the street as the driver had apparently caused the same destruction all throughout the neighborhood. The neighborhood in it’s long history has also experienced property crimes, burglaries and rape.

    It’s a conventional neighborhood, mostly of people trying to live their lives and in that regard probably similar to every other neighborhood across the state. I never thought about the potential for bad things happening as I was just delighted to finally get into a home. I’ve also had to deal with unpleasant neighbors, which I’ve already commented on.

    It’s not cohousing though and was never marketed as the “answer” or “solution” to those awful, lonely suburban neighborhoods filled with horrible people who don’t care. The fact is I do care, even if I want my privacy and desire strong boundaries. If one of my neighbors, even the one’s who have been difficult, really needed me, I would be there. What I don’t want is problems because I have enough of my own to cope with. .

  2. CJ says:

    If you peel back, every neighborhood has it’s horrors – some known, some unknown. But you are right, neighbors do come and help when needed (those not doing harm at least)

    • Flower says:

      It would be tempting to write an advertisement about the mindless idiots who live here, but then the property would never sell. Then again, some people would ignore such commentaries. If I was looking to sell then I would focus on all the positives too.

      “… or at least you don’t have to worry about consequences since the super positive, hopeful types don’t seem to hold anyone accountable.”

      So true. In the last few years I’ve seen more psychologists writing about “positivity culture” and the harm it creates.

      “The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience. Just like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience, it becomes toxic.

      This was the reason why I ended a budding relationship with a woman who promoted herself as a “coach”. She was a retired teacher as well. She wrote a text that was offensive for the reason that it was invalidating authentic emotional experience. At first I was going to respond, but I was overwhelmed with my life and then time got away from me. She sent me a text though and I decided just not to respond. I would have handled it differently and not through a text, if I care about the feelings of another human being. The bottom line is that I don’t care to waste my time around people who claim they want honest relationships, but then create emotionally restrictive environments that kill connection and emotional intimacy–the very things that people claim to want. If it works for her fine, but I tend to feel that she is lying to herself given some of her own revelations. I’ve often found that the biggest lies people tell are often to themselves.

      This is why the whole idea of community just doesn’t work for me given the behaviors that I experience. I often feel that people don’t know what they want and they pay ideas a lot of lip service, because it sounds good.

  3. CJ says:

    I think you summed up cohousing exactly – people want connection and a close community. It is actually creating one that is difficult! Everyone has the best of intentions.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s