Dream Homes Dissolve

I was talking to a woman last night and I felt her pain. She had the dream life, the dream house, the dream marriage. In months it all dissolved. Unfortunately, right as the quarantine began so she moved to a new town but has been pretty isolated.

She designed the inside and outside of the house. I saw pictures. Gorgeous!  She lived there about two years but in that last one realized that her marriage was ending.

Houses are like everything in this world – you can’t take it with you.  I was so excited about the community of cohousing and didn’t care a lick about the design of the house.  Now I”m the opposite. I love looking at houses on Zillow and watching design shows. And I really like the idea of being a landlord and home investor.  How things change!  

Divorce does that too. Forces change upon you. My new pal is sad to lose the home but designed the interior of a new home and likes finding out who she is after having an identity wrapped around her husband most of her life.  Loss is not the end. A new beginning.

I still am grieving losing what I thought was my dream house but I was too entangled with the people who let me down.  Now I enjoy renting it out and hope to make a profit selling it some day. I didn’t know I was shark until I was pushed off the plank.

Divorce is the ultimate one person’s trash is another person’s treasure. Of course, dream houses are not trash but they go on to bring joy to someone else.  My pal sold her house to a family that love it.  My renters are so happy to live in a brand new house for the first time in their lives and so far, have become super heroes in the community for their ability to fix landscaping tools.  (Grounds is a popular committee there).

I myself live in my new dream house because of a divorce. It makes me sad that it comes from someone else’s pain (or two someone else’s) but I feel a little better knowing it was their home away from home at the beach.  It wasn’t their primary place.  Who knows – it could have been a purchase to try to mend the relationship but the bandaid didn’t work. That’s what I wonder about my neighbors who are divorcing too – they just moved in too.

Relationships are tough. Many break up.  With that, dreams go down the drain and keys get turned over to someone else to build their life in that dream house.

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
This entry was posted in beach life, moving in and out of cohousing, selling house, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Dream Homes Dissolve

  1. MJW says:

    So true! Nothing in life is really forever.

  2. Audra says:

    I love your perspective and running commentary..I think it sums up life…our Hope’s are high….intentions are good…. and then somehow things change and end…and then we begin again….I try not to focus on the pain….why not try our best to embrace the change that comes from it?? In the end the issue is we all suffer from significant differences in personality and levels of integrity and even from differing opinions on what things actually mean.

  3. Tonya says:

    Sometimes we have to go through bad things to end up where we are supposed to be. I’m so glad you’re living in you’re dream home at the beach now!

  4. Maggie says:

    Yes!!! I’m currently freshly separated from the father of our children and divorcing cohousing (about to move out). Giving up dreams and houses. And forming new ones. Cohousing has been so disappointing and has shown me the reality of living with people I didn’t chose. Doesn’t work for me. You said in one of your articles that someone said in every intentional community there is at least one person abusing people sexually. Or something like that. That is horrifying and fascinating. No one wants to hear about that. We have one, no one will look. It’s so scary when adults turn away from such dangers. I want aware, awake, caring, protective people around me who honor children! I will crate it. Thanks for writing and sharing.

    • expsteacher says:

      Thanks so much for your comment and I keep writing because I know there are others out there that found out cohousing wasn’t what it was proposed to be. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I know I heard one person say that a person they knew who grew up in an intentional community said “child sexual abuse always happens.” The person delivering the message didn’t seem to think much of it but, like you, I was horrified. I have come to find out many communities do struggle with accusations, concerns, or worse, actual violations. The more we don’t throw it under the rug the better and safer for the children and everyone. But, I saw how easy it was for communities to sweep everything under the rug! I applaud the communities that take on every issue head on, treat each other with respect, and are safe for conflict, children, and everyone to live. I think they are harder to find than I thought. I hope you find a new home and community of people of your choosing!

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