Shame is a horrible feeling and something terrible to put onto someone. Looking back I did feel embarrassed by some front porches. Mine included. Toys and stuff everywhere. I figured we were just living in them and that’s a good thing. But when some future owners came they thought it meant we didn’t care about others or our property. I felt ashamed. Some of me wondered if that was true – our we taking care of each other? Why are the dogs still pooping everywhere when many a neighbor has said how they feel disrespected when that happens. And it’s gross. Did these outsiders see through us?
And toys all over the pedway where anyone could fall over them. These things I didn’t want outsiders to see. I was scared if they knew we had problems, they may not join us. Some people have joined and aren’t afraid of seeing a growing, forming, figuring it out community.
I also felt hopeful when a new household joined the community. One of the parents was a hippie type and wanted a heart centered community with sharing circles. It sounded wonderful to me but I knew not everyone was into that. That’s okay. Cohousing is not a commune.
Yet his vision is what I wanted. When he decided to leave with his family I was so sad. Shame again. Why couldn’t we keep people open and honest and caring like that? And I knew we had some big problems and the vibe was to keep it quiet at all costs. Even if it gets worse and hurts others, in my opinion.
I am terrible with secrets. I can’t deal with the shame of keeping something wrong inside. And the possibility it could wreak havoc and lives.
Of course there are fun secrets and people’s private lives. I’m not talking about that. We all know when it’s fun and when it’s not. So I’ll take the consequences of the truth and shine light so it’ll help others and promote healing circles!