shame and ashamed

Shame is a horrible feeling and something terrible to put onto someone. Looking back I did feel embarrassed by some front porches. Mine included. Toys and stuff everywhere. I figured we were just living in them and that’s a good thing. But when some future owners came they thought it meant we didn’t care about others or our property. I felt ashamed.  Some of me wondered if that was true – our we taking care of each other? Why are the dogs still pooping everywhere when many a neighbor has said how they feel disrespected when that happens. And it’s gross.  Did these outsiders see through us?

And toys all over the pedway where anyone could fall over them.  These things I didn’t want outsiders to see. I was scared if they knew we had problems, they may not join us.  Some people have joined and aren’t afraid of seeing a growing, forming, figuring it out community.

I also felt hopeful when a new household joined the community.  One of the parents was a hippie type and wanted a heart centered community with sharing circles. It sounded wonderful to me but I knew not everyone was into that. That’s okay. Cohousing is not a commune.

Yet his vision is what I wanted. When he decided to leave with his family I was so sad. Shame again. Why couldn’t we keep people open and honest and caring like that?  And I knew we had some big problems and the vibe was to keep it quiet at all costs. Even if it gets worse and hurts others, in my opinion.

I am terrible with secrets.  I can’t deal with the shame of keeping something wrong inside. And the possibility it could wreak havoc and lives.

Of course there are fun secrets and people’s private lives. I’m not talking about that.  We all know when it’s fun and when it’s not.  So I’ll take the consequences of the truth and shine light so it’ll help others and promote healing circles!

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
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7 Responses to shame and ashamed

  1. zevpaiss says:

    What cohousing community did you live in? If you do not want to share that here please email me at Thanks.

  2. Adolfo Geidl says:

    I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Well written!

  3. Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Many thanks, However I am having issues with your RSS. I don’t know why I am unable to join it. Is there anyone else having similar RSS problems? Anyone that knows the answer can you kindly respond? Thanx!!

    • expsteacher says:

      Thanks for commenting. It went to spam folder for some reason so I’m glad I found it. I hope you can follow. I added that button recently. Comment again if it won’t work and I”ll contact wordpress. I have zero abilities on websites!

  4. This is the right web site for anybody who wishes to understand this topic. You know a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally would want to…HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic that’s been discussed for years. Great stuff, just wonderful!

    • expsteacher says:

      Thanks so much! I appreciate that you took the time to comment. And please, argue away! The more opinions the better. I just love to journal and spill out my ideas but robust discussion helps everyone learn. Sorry it took me so long to comment – yours went into the spam folder for some reason.

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