Like, Marriage: cohousing – do we expect too much?

I’ve been thinking about what we are told about cohousing. How it will provide us a community. But is it what we each expect? Everyone’s ideas of community are different. Today I saw this article in my search engine about expectations of marriage.

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/we-expect-too-much-from-our-romantic-partners?utm_source=pocket-newtab

I expected kindness and caring.  Today I”m sick. I haven’t told any of my new neighbors but when someone was sick in my cohousing neighborhood and she told me – I brought her chicken soup.  But come to think of it, I don’t think she ever did that for anyone else. I can see from her emails that her “love language” is gifts. She likes it when others do for her.  I thought she was a friend but she had no problem dropping me like a hot potato when she took sides and made assumptions.  She still wouldn’t even say hi to me when I was there visiting last week. I think she also wasn’t very warm to the people I was talking to (the other side?)  Maybe division is still the way there but that is no way to live.  Not very mature or community building.  I couldn’t stand it that she and others would turn away, go inside, not say hi to me – pretend I didn’t exist. And if she felt that way by seeing me and the others with me, I feel sad. I don’t want anyone to feel that way.  

Yet, that is the community they are building.

I was marketed that cohousing would be friendly. You would know your neighbors. Chicken soup for everyone.

However, like marriage, maybe we expect too much. The people there have their strengths and weaknesses.  Double check their idea of community matches yours. And if not, will they at least work on it? Will they run away from every conflict? If so, like at my cohousing, many will leave. Lots of divorce.

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
This entry was posted in grief and grieving, living in community, marriage and cohousing, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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