Does cohousing make you hate people?

I’m a people person but not I hate people.  What happened?

First and foremost is COVID 19.  Seeing others makes me want to run away.  I just assume everyone has COVID until proven otherwise.  However, even with a test, there is a lag so I just keep away from everyone.  

In the spring of 2020 I went along with the neighbors and did gather. We were usually 3 feet away, but some people would sit closer to watch a movie or something like that. We rode together in cars. I figured if they think it’s safe, it must be safe. But I also wondered if we’d be like those towns that were wiped out by disease around the turn of the last century (1900).  It was a risk but these were my friends and neighbors, we were in a bubble together.  Of course, some went out of the bubble.

So, when the community blew up and I moved away I was also a bit relieved, I was out of that danger zone.  I know at least one person got COVID and quarantined but if I was there then I would have died of anxiety alone.  Now I”m in my own home, my own bubble, and don’t want anyone in it.

That’s the second reason I fear people. Not only the COVID, but that groupthink of it must be safe if everyone else is doing it. That groupthink, on another issue, went against me. No one would hear my side of the story. Those that did agree with me, didn’t speak up. Those that have a strange idea, in my opinion, now feel embolden and literally run the place now with some dangerous concepts.  I know another person who left cohousing and feels like she dodged the cult bullet. That’s how I feel too.  I was sold on friendly neighbors and freedom and got groupthink and us vs. you mentality.  In a way I”m glad I was the one being fought against because I got out early.  And honestly, it’s best for covid health and the health of my  kids. More time would have meant more damage.

So, I fear people now. They could be COVID carriers, or cult bullies.  Yet, in truth, I moved to cohousing to find a community and now I have.  Back in my 20s I had communities and that model is what I was looking for in cohousing and I never saw that. Now I have found exactly what I had then but online.  With COVID, I have met people from all over the country and now have at least two communities that we meet online.  They are both from classes and then we made ourselves into a community that emails, sends messages on social media, and meet weekly on zoom.

I shouldn’t have moved my kids, plunked down a down payment, invest in a house and wish that community was what I was looking for. I shouldn’t have risked my life being social with this particular group that  in that example and other ways showed before the big blow out that they don’t care for others.  I should’ve stuck to what I know and look for the community I had before and the promise of cohousing and community is not the only community out there. Sometimes it can be, especially for those who may have never been in one, other times it can be just neighbors and too close quarters. And other times it can go off the rails and be more like a cult.

So, I fear people but I can take them in small doses and safely through the computer.

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
This entry was posted in control and decision making in cohousing, group think and cults, learning and growing, lonliness or not, moving in and out of cohousing, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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