Living with Weirdos – are you a good fit for cohousing part 2

So I have been thinking about how people react to cohousing.  Very few are so excited that they are jealous of those that are in it. That’s how I felt – jealous of those who had a cohousing up and running near them and could move in. I had to wait and then I got in and felt lucky.  But some people would deliver furniture, or fix pipes, or whatnot and visit the community.  I remember one guy saying he just moved to the country. He didn’t like even having normal neighbors. I thought, “poor guy, no community.”

Now I see how people are jealous of me (Not that that is my goal just an indicator of the culture).  I post pictures of my condo near the beach.  People say – “post more pics”, “I wish I lived on the beach”, etc.  But when I lived in cohousing no one wrote – “Wow, I wish I lived so close to so many people.  I wish I lived with a bunch of weirdos.”

Now, I”m a weirdo too. That’s why I moved in. But I didn’t realize that some could be way weirder than me. And none of my friends nor family told me what they really thought – being so close can cause trouble if there are real problems. I found out  the hard way – dark weirdos, scary weirdos.

 Now I enjoy my new neighbors – a large pod of dolphins!!!!

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
This entry was posted in beach life, living in community, moving in and out of cohousing, privacy, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Living with Weirdos – are you a good fit for cohousing part 2

  1. Flower says:

    “Now I enjoy my new neighbors – a large pod of dolphins!!!!”

    A pod of dolphins would be wonderful neighbors. I’m certain people would consider me a weirdo because of that preference. The fact is I no longer care if they do. I’m more of a loner and enjoy my privacy. I’ve had difficulty finding my “tribe” so-to-speak, but the difference for me now is that I don’t tend to care and am not out searching. I would feel that I have to be someone that I’m not and give up too much of myself to belong and it isn’t worth it to me. I have a strong aversion to groups that I learned when I was very young. I don’t care to jump through other peoples hoops. That’s not a path to happiness. I also don’t know what “normal” neighbors are–maybe the poor hapless creatures that live in the soulless suburbia, like me. Yet the fact is I’m fairly content to live where I do.

    I grew up close to the ocean. When I lived by the sea I loved to watch the pelicans, the seals and the whales. In a town where I used to live sometimes we’d fall asleep to the sounds of the surf and the occasional foghorn. I have good memories. I wanted to be a marine biologist, but changed my major to environmental. High density along the coast can feel overwhelming too.in some areas too.

  2. CJ says:

    I also wanted to be a marine biologist but did realize I get sick on boats! Luckily, the past few years I have done marine biology professional developments for teachers and have learned a lot. I just wish I could call on one with all my questions when I see the animal behaviors in the water. I love seeing pelicans – I don’t ever remember seeing them in the past. I think they’ve made a comeback or I never looked up and swam all the time as a kid.

    • Flower says:

      California is a big state and I don’t know where you grew up or lived. I found they were more prevalent farther north–the brown pelican. White pelicans I’ve seen in Florida. I don’t recollect seeing them in California. I’ve always loved watching the shore life and especially birds. I’ve seen them in inland states too–the white pelicans. They nest in colonies on islands in remote brackish and freshwater lakes. . People I’ve met who majored in marine biology wound up in other fields, like selling insurance. One has to make a living.

      • CJ says:

        aha, finally some pelican answers! So sad that marine biologists don’t make a decent wage. I guess the ones I met were young and living on campus at the marine lab in Key Largo.

      • Flower says:

        “So sad that marine biologists don’t make a decent wage. I guess the ones I met were young and living on campus at the marine lab in Key Largo.”

        I love the Keys–at least to visit. I don’t know about living there full time. As far as marine biologists go I think some of the problem was that there were not enough jobs. It was the same with environmental–there were limited opportunities.

        I worked on a project in California, but found it difficult in the region where I lived to survive with full time employment. The opportunities were not there. Work was gobbled up by boomers and also professors seeking extra income on the side. Then there was the “problem” with why should they hire you, if they could hire a PhD–very frustrating. I put myself through college–paid my own way and at the time grants were not as easy to obtain. I had to decide whether or not to create more debt for myself for a big what if–another complex and nuanced topic. Situations do not always go they way were are often led to believe and that is true for education as well.

  3. Flower says:

    “But I didn’t realize that some could be way weirder than me. And none of my friends nor family told me what they really thought – being so close can cause trouble if there are real problems. I found out the hard way – dark weirdos, scary weirdos.”

    I wonder they they (friends and family) didn’t tell you what they really thought? I’ve been in the position of trying to tell someone my concerns and they either brush them off or ignore me and that feels dismissive. It’s an uncomfortable situation to be in, especially when it’s repetitive. I find in situations like that people will call you a “naysayer” or accuse you of being “negative” or actively seek to silence you in some way. Their behaviors shut down “open” communication. If something goes wrong then they will attack you for “not caring” or not being “supportive” or some variation of that. It gets very tiresome, especially if they are wanting you to fix their situation or complaining a lot or worse playing the victim or in a pity party. I’m not saying you behaved this way–it’s my own experiences that I’m sharing out loud. Now I don’t tend to say anything and allow them to experience things the “hard way”, because they don’t listen and I don’t try to fix anything or save them from themselves.

    Someone, after years, told me that “You were right,” but I was looking to “be right”. It was of little value or comfort to hear that. Maybe it would be for someone else, but for me the relationship ended a long time ago as they treated me poorly and I moved on.

    I’ve learned lessons the “hard way” early on, especially when it comes to people problems. People often like to attach labels to others and I would often be described as introverted or shy. I never self-identified that way. Truth was and is I was discerning when it comes to people–very harsh and hard lessons taught me well that it’s better to keep my distance and avoid certain types of people.

  4. Flower says:

    I meant that I wasn’t looking to be right. I’m thinking of the expression, “don’t kill the messenger because you don’t like the message”. In my case not agreeing with someone or just voicing a “concern” or not providing someone with whatever emotion they think I should provide them or mirror, etc., resulted in behaviors that created distance. It’s controlling behaviors which is evidenced in group think which is really “stink”. This behavior has repercussions and for me it creates a lot of distance. I don’t care to have fake and phony relationships, but some people help to create that deeply destructive dynamic.

  5. CJ says:

    I meant my family and friends who doubted cohousing didn’t tell me why or they did and I didn’t listen (more likely that). Most people say no way when they hear about it. I was the opposite – I love people, sign me up. Now after being burned, I see why most people are more cautious than moving in with a group of people! Even with the separate houses and “privacy”

  6. CJ says:

    But I agree with you and how people react!

  7. CJ says:

    Situations do not always go they way were are often led to believe and that is true for education as well. – so true!

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