Are you a good fit for cohousing?

A lot of cohousing websites ask this question and have decent answers but let me give you another perspective.  Are you a good fit for cohousing?

Maybe and maybe not. I thought I was because I love people and wanted to work together to create community and find solutions to any problems that may arise. I didn’t realize that cohousing attracts a lot of introverts (not that there is anything wrong with that) but humans are humans and some inability to face conflicts can cause big problems.  Conflict averse or whatever you may call it doesn’t mean the problem goes away but can leave to a culture problem in the neighborhood.  

So, are you a good fit?  Are you patient? Extremely patient. (see my post on how many cohousers to fix a light bulb).  I like to solve problems and get things done.  Others like to ponder, and ponder, and ponder. Seems like the best cohousers are the ones who don’t mind waiting, and waiting, for a lot of things to get done. So that was a clue that I wasn’t a good fit.

It has been over 2 years and all the self proclaimed environmentalists (Cohousing claims it will be a lighter footprint on the Earth) still haven’t figured out how to get recycling for the community. In fairness, it might not be their fault but the county’s program or lack there of but I have noticed the topic come and go and no one followed through on the leads that we did have – even hauling it out ourselves.

Another example – the common house needs repairs and money has been allocated but a lot of the major repairs still haven’t been done. Even before COVID we couldn’t use it in the winter – too cold.  So, if you can wait and wait for large and small decisions then you may be a cohouser.

Are you okay with everything not being okay?  Some conflicts might never be resolved.  A lot of cohousing communities still don’t have a pet policy.  Or in mine, we have one but half of the people ignore it.  I find out I couldn’t live like that. So, before you plunk down 100,000s of dollars, look inside yourself – are you okay with not okay?

I was excited to create a community and work together but you may find yourself with people who like the status quo and don’t want to think too much of what happens.  Just more food for thought. Painstakingly, slow cooked food.

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
This entry was posted in control and decision making in cohousing, learning and growing, living in community, time and family balance, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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