Group thinking – what was I thinking?

I started this blog to be honest about cohousing. I got busy and abandoned the blog but now I am back. I will use this blog to heal – journal, diary, about my personal experience in cohousing and what I learned.

i wanted to write about the good, the bad, and the ugly. Well the good you see EVERYWHERE! It is hard to find the honest truth about cohousing because most of the blogs are for communities and they want you to buy, rent, or join later if nothing is available. So, I will focus on the bad and the very UGLY. For me, it turned extremely ugly.

Of course there is good, otherwise no one would move there and stay. However, like any group of people, they can form into their own way of life and thinking. I was excited to be a part of that process – making the community what we wanted. But I clashed with others’ ways of thinking or their silence as one person in particular steered the community into a strange direction (my opinion of what happened).

I wish I had known before moving in about group think. I should have known my personality – never to go blindly with the flow. To question authority. To assume people will act rationally. I forgot that people gravitate towards charismatic and sometimes dramatic personalities. I forgot that many a group of people can be quite disfunctional.

I wish I had known before moving in that even though all communities have some sort of conflict group to help with conflict they don’t always work. That it takes a long time, if ever, to deal well with small and big conflicts. I assumed we would work it out since that group was here. But humans react sometimes with running away, shunning, not dealing with it, afraid to speak up, etc.

I wish I had known before moving in that the first five years these communities start are the hardest and many do not stay and others have scars (heard this from another community)

I wish I had known before moving in what a huge commitment it is to buy a house that is way more than the market and how hard it is to sell, and even rent since most people are more wary of living in a group than I was. Naive as I was.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for my family. I am thankful that I had the means to escape and find a house with friendly neighbors who have boundaries. I am thankful for privacy. I am thankful for real friends who love you no matter what. I am thankful for learning about dysfunctional families, abusive relationships, and cults. I am thankful that I am safe. I am thankful for a blog platform to heal and hopefully add more to the conversation than sunshine and rainbows and unicorns.

About CJ

I was a Spanish teacher for 5 years in the Public School system in 3 different states. I homeschooled and taught at a democratic free school. I heard about cohousing in 2010 and wanted to move in right away. I met a group building one in 2018 and got to move in the summer of 2019. It only took a year to want out.
This entry was posted in control and decision making in cohousing, group think and cults, learning and growing, moving in and out of cohousing, privacy, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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